June 12th, 2009 | 
Author: She's 18 and a recovering anorexic. We had a daughter last year who died after birth because her lungs weren't developed enough but some trainee nurse told her it was her fault for starving herself. At the time we were unaware my wife was anorexic, if I'm honest I never noticed she's lost as much weight as she had. A year after our daughter's death and six months after me telling her after out honeymoon that I wanted to wait at least a year for her to get over it all because she took it really bad and was really hurt by the whole thing, she still wants a baby.
We go into shops and go past a baby display and I get "oh can you imagine our little one in this" then I'll frown at her and she'll sigh and she'll go "when you decide we can have one" It's the same when an advert comes on TV or my sister or her brother bring their kids around. I daren't leave her alone with our nieces and nephews encase she was to go off with them and doesn't return -she tried it once after our daughter died, my sister left her toddler with us when she had work and the father was at work, I left them alone for five minutes to go down the road for milk and I came back and she and the toddler was gone. Luckily I found them in the park, she was in tears as the toddler played.
My wife is getting help for the anorexia and I'm making sure she actually takes her birth control because she confessed today she was considering not taking it anymore so we could have a baby. I always make sure we use a condom to, for me it's no condom – no sex. I know she's still upset about losing our daughter but I don't want to be pressured into having a child and then resenting it as it grows – I don't want to be like my father who resented me because he was pressured to have a baby. Not to mention she's just turning 19 in just over 2 weeks, yes she may be in her second year of uni -was put up a year in high school- but I still don't want her to have another baby so young because she'll miss out on so much. How can I persuade her that now is not a good time to have a baby?
I've been trying my best to make her happy again. I got married before I was ready to because that was what she wanted. We'd gotten engaged in 2007 and we hadn't set a date because I wasn't ready to settle down and she wanted to do other things, we only really got engaged to prove to her family we were serious. Don't get me wrong, I love her I just don't feel that I got married at the right time, plus everthing I do seems to be making things worse.
Posted in Skinny Husband | 
Tags: Advert, Anorexia, Anorexic, Birth Control, Brother, Condom Sex, Encase, Five Minutes, Good Time, Honeymoon, Imagine, Lungs, Milk, Nieces And Nephews, Nurse, Quot, Six Months
I would say that it is important to stress to her that you DO want a baby…in the future…when you are both ready. Sometimes if you focus in on your needs and your issues she can see that she has the same issues. Talk to her about how you are hurting over the loss of your child too (so she knows she is not the only one that feels that way–I am sure she feels really alone). Explain to her that if something happened to another baby or HER during the next pregnancy that would be more than you could bare. Tell her that you are afraid that she won't be around to see your child and you are afraid that she won't be able to take care of it. Right now the focus is on getting her physically well and you both emotionally well. I think if I were your wife, a time frame would help too. When my husband and I started trying we did just that and it was more exciting for me because I knew IT would happen and approximately WHEN it would happen. So if you need 2 or 3 years, tell her that, but be as specific as possible so that she has a 'countdown' or something to look forward to. I also agree that professional help would be great, she (and you) are dealing with 2 major issues that I can't imagine dealing with alone. Sometimes people are more likely to take advise from an outsider. It will work out, just keep on being as caring and loving as you are. Enjoy being young…there is still plenty of time for babies!